Getting Through the Holidays Post Divorce
/The holiday season is quickly approaching. People are starting to chatter about their plans, who is traveling, who is staying in town, who is hosting, who will bring what dish, what gifts the kids are asking for this year, and on and on. For some of us, in particular those who are going through or have recently experienced a divorce, these conversations are enough to make us want to crawl back into bed. The holidays can wreak emotional havoc on all of us, but especially those who are dealing with the inevitable changes that accompany divorce. If you are facing your first post divorce holiday season, then this article is perfect for you. Below are some strategies and tips for making it through without wanting to strangle Santa, as well as some silver lining thoughts for just how bright 2018 can be.
1. Create New Traditions
For any of us whose spouse gets the kids this year, why not make your own celebration a few days beforehand? Who says the holidays must be celebrated on the designated calendar day? Kids will not remember which day of the week was celebrated but they will remember the spirit in which the holiday was acknowledged. A delicious meal, festive decorations, and fun presents make the holidays special. So if this is your year without the kids, pick another day and start a new tradition. I know some divorced parents that plan a trip for the holidays and even though the vacation doesn't fall on the official date, everyone feels like it was celebrated nonetheless. This time of year is memorable not because of the impending day but because of the people we surround ourselves with, the memories we make with food, gifts, and giving, and the overall sense of something special happening.
2. Make Plans in Advance
Knowing you are without your kids on the holidays this year can create anxiety. Alleviate the stress early on and make some plans for yourself. Reach out to family and friends and let them know you would like to see them. Take them up on invites and spend some quality time. Without the kids, you can actually mingle and enjoy the ability to socialize without being interrupted or worrying about what they are doing. When the sad thoughts creep in as the holidays get closer, you can rest easier knowing you will be busy and have something fun to do.
Another option to take your mind off the fact the kids aren't with you is volunteering. There are tons of local organizations that need extra hands during the holidays. Volunteering your time is a fantastic way to do some good during this time of year and it feels great knowing you are helping others.
3. Seek Out Other Divorced Parents
Various support groups for divorced parents exist, whether online or within your community. Being part of a group with like minded individuals going through similar experiences is a powerful healing tool. Hearing others' stories helps us remember we are not alone. Being able to share our own experiences with individuals who understand our circumstances is comforting, especially when they may be able to offer insights into what has worked for them in the past.
4. Enjoy the "You" Time
Let's face it, as much as we love the holidays, they can be exhausting! Not to mention, full of drama. I have a client who said she dreaded every Christmas knowing she was going to have to interact with her in-laws. After her divorce, she began to get excited around the holidays again. Just not having to see her ex's family was enough to allow her the freedom to be merry at Christmas. What a gift! And there are other gifts right in front of us if we open ourselves up to the new opportunities. For example, if you could get an extra nap in here or there, wouldn't you jump at the chance? Now that you do not have the children, take advantage and soak up your new found "you" time. Maybe you want to see a movie, or read a book in peace, or book a massage. Whatever you have been wanting to do but could not find the time, well now you can! The silver lining to not always having the kids around is just that...you get a break! So enjoy it my friend. Happy holidays to you. And remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder. With a little "you" time under your belt, the kids can be all the more adorable when they accidentally hit the neighbor's car again with their new toy Nerf Gun.